Every Single Religion That Has Ever Been

I Wouldn't Totally Rule Out Doing Letterman Or The Tonight Show If I Had A Set That I Just Happened To Write That I Thought Was Funny But Was Still Appropriate For Network Censors. But I'm Not Going To Go Out Of My Way.

The Planet's Spinning A Thousand Miles An Hour Around This Gigantic Nuclear Explosion While These People Roll These Machines With Rubber Tires Over This Hard Surface That We've Laid Down Over The Planet So That We Can Easily Move Ourselves Back And Forth.

You Do What You're Supposed To Do, But You Have To Be Honest About What They're Doing. When You Do A Comedy Show On A Network The Problem Is There Are Going To Be A Bunch Of People Who Aren't Comedians That Are Going To Tell You What's Funny.

Haters...are All Failures. It's 100% Across The Board. No One Who Is Truly Brilliant At Anything Is A Hater.

When I First Went Onstage I Even Had A Suit Jacket On With The Sleeves Rolled Up Because That's What I Saw On Tv Or At The Improv That Everybody Did.