Ever Noticed That No Matter What Happens

If You've Got A Bloodstain On Your T-shirt, Maybe Dirty Laundry Isn't Your Biggest Problem.

People Should Get Married Because They Have Finally Seen The Folly Of Being Single: "oh, This Is All Just Kind Of A Bad Magic Trick. I Just Keep Bending Over To Reach For This Wallet On A String. How Much Longer Am I Gonna Do That?"

Why Is It Illegal To Park In A Handicapped Parking Space But Okay To Go The Bathroom In A Handicapped Stall?

A Dog Will Stay Stupid. That's Why We Love Them So Much. The Entire Time We Know Them, They're Idiots. Think Of Your Dog. Every Time You Come Home, He Thinks It's Amazing. He Has No Idea How You Accomplish This Every Day. You Walk In The Door; The Joy Of This Experience Overwhelms Him. He Looks At You, He's Back. It's That Guy, That Same Guy. He Can't Believe It. Everything Is Amazing To Your Dog. Another Can Of Food? I Don't Believe It.

Life Is Truly A Ride. We're All Strapped In And No One Can Stop It. When The Doctor Slaps Your Behind, He's Ripping Your Ticket And Away You Go. As You Make Each Passage From Youth To Adulthood To Maturity, Sometimes You Put Your Arms Up And Scream, Sometimes You Just Hang On To That Bar In Front Of You. But The Ride Is The Thing. I Think The Most You Can Hope For At The End Of Life Is That Your Hair's Messed, You're Out Of Breath, And You Didn't Throw Up.