Elected Office Holds More Perks Than Elvis'

Lotto Fever Hit New York Again This Week, And Like The Old Saying Goes, 'you Gotta Be In It To Win It'... But First, You Gotta Have A Dead End Job So Pathetic You're Willing To Kill Five Hours Standing In Line For A 1 In 25 Million Chance.

We Need Anything Politically Important Rationed Out Like Pez: Small, Sweet, And Coming Out Of A Funny, Plastic Head.

There's No Doubt About It, Show Business Lures The People Who Didn't Get Enough Love, Attention, Or Approval Early In Life And Have Grown Up To Become Bottomless, Gaping Vessels Of Terrifying, Abject Need. Please Laugh.

That Secondary Provides Worse Coverage Than A Guatemalan Hmo.

Just Put Down 9/11... I Think, On Most Things I'm Liberal, Except On Defending Ourselves And Keeping Half The Money. Those Things I'm Kind Of Conservative On.