Drinking Can Bring Out A Dude That

I Try Not To Get Political, I Don't Want To Get Religious, I Don't Want To Get Controversial, I Just Want To Have A Show That Relates To Everybody.

I'm Never Home. I Miss Birthdays. I Miss Holidays. I Miss Anniversaries. I Miss Special Moments. I'm Not Always There For Important Times, Because I'm Out On The Road Trying To Make People Laugh. I Give Up My Privacy. I Give Up The Ability To Walk Somewhere And Relax.

Understand That You Don't Know It All. You Don't Know Anything Yet. What You've Been Taught Is Great, But Always Go With Common Sense. And Don't Marry Your First Love.

I Went Up On Stage, And Said, "why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? To Check Out The Chicks." I Was A Genius At 10. Try Telling That At 21, And You Look Hacky And Stupid. That Was The Only Joke I've Ever Told. Everything Since Has Been Character Voices, Doing Impressions Or Just Telling Stories.

If You Surround Yourself With A Bunch Of Guys Who No Mas Se Quieren Puro Pari And Are Like, "aaah, Let's Go Get Some Chicks." Guess What? That's Going To Slow You Down And Keep Your Head Somewhere Else.