Don't Die Until You're Dead.

I Think Comedy Is Difficult, And I'm Amazed So Many People Want To Do It. I'll Be Buying Jeans And Somebody Will Say, "i'm A Comedian" - The Guy Selling You The Jeans. The Desire To Be A Comedian Is Weird. I Found It Weird Myself To Want To Be One; I Was A Schoolboy When I Wanted To Be One But I Didn't Know How To Do It. That Was 50 Years Ago, So Times Have Changed Greatly. There Seems To Be A Long Line Of People Desperate To Do It And Most Of Them Are Quite Good.

Sex Therapist Claims That The Most Effective Way To Arouse Your Man Is To Spend 10 Minutes Licking His Ears!! Personally, I Think Its Bollocks!!

Don't Work Out, Work In.

If You're Going To Do An Interview About A Movie Or Anything Like That, You're Vulnerable. You Say Stupid Things. Or If You're Applying For A Green Card You Feel Very Vulnerable And You're Likely To Spout Out Something Stupid In The Middle Of It All.

The Religion In Scotland Is One Of The Most Patronising Things... After The Weather.