Donald Trump Is On The Show Tonight.

I Just Heard George W. Bush's New Plan For Airline Security. From Here On Out, Every Plane Will Now Have Its Own Hockey Dad.

Every Year When It's Chinese New Year Here In New York, There Are Fireworks Going Off At All Hours. New York Mothers Calm Their Frightened Children By Telling Them It's Just Gunfire.

God Forbid I Should Be The Last One To Criticize, But I Think May Be Howard Dean Has A Bit Of A Problem Because Earlier Today During A Debate In New Hampshire, He Bit Off Joe Lieberman's Ear.

It Was Announced That President Obama And His Wife, When They're Finished In Washington, Are Moving To New York City. The Guy Just Can't Get Enough Gridlock.

Based On What You Know About Him In History Books, What Do You Think Abraham Lincoln Would Be Doing If He Were Alive Today? 1) Writing His Memoirs Of The Civil War. 2) Advising The President. 3) Desperately Clawing At The Inside Of His Coffin.