Dogs Are Forever In The Push Up

Have You Ever Tried Sugar Or Pcp?

I Went To The Park And Saw This Kid Flying A Kite. The Kid Was Really Excited. I Don't Know Why, That's What They're Supposed To Do. Now If He Had Had A Chair On The Other End Of That String, I Would Have Been Impressed.

People Associate Long Hair With Drug Use. I Wish People Associated Long Hair With Something Other Than Drug Use, Like An Extreme Longing For Cake. And Then Strangers Would See A Long Haired Guy And Say, "that Guy Eats Cake!" "he Is On Bundt Cake!" Mothers Saying To Their Daughters, "don't Bring The Cake Eater Over Here Anymore. He Smells Like Flour. Did You See How Excited He Got When He Found Out Your Birthday Was Fast Approaching?"

Alcoholism Is The Only Disease That You Can Get Yelled At For Having.

If You Drink O'douls, You Don't Drink; But If You Drink 20 O'douls In A Half Hour, Then You're A Non-alcoholic.