Do Good Things For Other People.

Hillary Clinton, Our Junior Senator From New York, Announced That She Has No Intentions Of Ever, Ever Running For Office Of The President Of The United States. Her Husband, Bill Clinton, Is Bitterly Disappointed. He Is Crushed. There Go His Dreams Of Becoming A Two-impeachment Family.

What A Day. It's 53 And Gloomy - Like President Obama.

The First Presidential Debate Was Down In Florida. Residents Spent All Day Putting Plywood On Their Televisions.

Iraq's Elite Republican Guard Is Doing So Badly They're Changing Their Name To The Democratic Guard.

Mitt Romney Is Quite A Guy. At One Point He And His Wife Bought A Zoo And Fired All The Animals.