Comedy Is Not Pretty.

Chaos In The Midst Of Chaos Isn't Funny, But Chaos In The Midst Of Order Is.

I Never Touched A Gun In My Life. That And That Alone Forever Doomed Me To Middle Management.

I'm Trying To Think Of Other Ones. Oh, Yeah, I'd Say - Somebody Would Buy Something And We'd Say, And Because You Are Our Hundredth Customer Today, You Get A Free Paperback.

Thankfully, Persistence Is A Great Substitute For Talent.

In My Opening Seconds, I Would Say, "it's Great To Be Here," Then Move To Several Other Spots On The Stage And Say, "no, It's Great To Be Here!" I Would Move Again: "no, It's Great To Be Here!