Comedy Exists To Laugh At Things That

The Palestinians Cannot Throw Rockets And Expect People Not To Defend Themselves

Don't Talk To Me About Gravity. When I Get Out Of Bed In The Morning, I Have To Be Careful Not To Step On My Breasts.

I Hate Thin People; 'oh, Does The Tampon Make Me Look Fat?'

I Think Actual Death Will Be A Lot Easier Than Dying On Stage. Cause - You Know - If You Do [actual Death] Right, You Can Go Looking Good. Maybe With A Little Quip [like]: 'i Loved Everybody.' But Dying On Stage...oh, God!

I Have No Methods. All I Do Is Accept People As They Are.