Children Make Your Life Important.

Housework, If You Do It Right, Will Kill You.

Humorists Can Never Start To Take Themselves Seriously. It's Literary Suicide.

You Have To Love A Nation That Celebrates Its Independence Every July 4, Not With A Parade Of Guns, Tanks, And Soldiers Who File By The White House In A Show Of Strength And Muscle, But With Family Picnics Where Kids Throw Frisbees, The Potato Salad Gets Iffy, And The Flies Die From Happiness. You May Think You Have Overeaten, But It Is Patriotism.

A Kitchen Without An Ironing Board? Are You Kidding? It's Un-american. It's Like Simon Without Garfunkel.

There Is Nothing Sadder In This World Than To Awake Christmas Morning And Not Be A Child. ... Time, Self-pity, Apathy, Bitterness, And Exhaustion Can Take The Christmas Out Of The Child, But You Cannot Take The Child Out Of Christmas.