Canadian Bacon Isn't Bacon. It's Ham.

I'm A Pessimist By Nature. A Pot Head, But A Pessimist.

The Founding Fathers Were More Deists. If You Had To Categorize Them As Anything. There Was Some Sort Of Moving Prime Force. But It's An Impersonal Force. Some People Call It Nature. Certainly Not This Personal God Who You Have A Personal Relationship With, Who Listens To Your Prayers And Answers Them, Or Doesn't. You Know, Not The Silly Stuff That Most Americans Believe Because We're Such A Dumb Nation.

New Rule: Since Our New National Position On Science Is, "screw It, We Prefer Witchcraft," Let's Not Just Retire The Space Shuttle Atlantis. Let's Drive It To One Of The Five Stupidest States And Have The Locals Beat It With Sticks. Putting It In A Museum Is Too Dangerous. Someone Could Steal It, Fly It Into Space And Notice We Revolve Around The Sun.

Americans Are Gluttons. We Shop With Forklifts. We Have A Holiday Where We Stuff Food Into Other Food. Our Strippers Wrestle In Jell-o, Where Other Countries Have To Use Mud.

Sarah Palin Said Perhaps The Most Irresponsible Thing I've Ever Heard Any Politician Say. She Said, 'the Only Thing That Stops A Bad Guy With A Nuke Is A Good Guy With A Nuke.' You Think She Realizes That Nuking Russia Might Not Be Good For Someone Who Can See Russia From Her House?