At Any Minute, I Am Four Minutes

I Care About Politics, But I Have A Tough Time Making Comedy Out Of It. I Was So Happy To Have A Chance To Be On The Daily Show, And I Think Jon Stewart's So Funny... But Mostly In My Own Comedy, I Care About Less Relevant Things.

I Like To Stand Near Atm Machines, And When Somebody Types In Their Pin Number, I Go, 'got It!' And Then I Run Away.

I Don't Have To Kill Myself, Time Is Going To Do That.

The Earth Without Art Is Just Eh.

There's A Very Fine Line Between Giving Someone The Heimlich Maneuver And Dry-humping A Stranger.