As Long As You're Working, You Stay

It's No Surprise That Things Are So Screwed Up: Everyone That Knows How To Run A Government Is Either Driving Taxicabs Or Cutting Hair.

When Jack Benny Has A Party, You Not Only Bring Your Own Scotch, You Bring Your Own Rocks.

I've Been A Straight Man For So Many Years That From Force Of Habit I Repeat Everything. I Went Out Fishing With A Fellow The Other Day And He Fell Overboard. He Yelled, Help! Help! Help! So I Said, Help? Help? Help? And While I Was Waiting For Him To Get His Laugh, He Drowned.

I Get Up Every Morning And Read The Obituary Column. If My Name's Not There, I Eat Breakfast.

There's An Old Saying, 'life Begins At Forty.' That's Silly. Life Begins Every Morning You Wake Up.