As Long As You're Working, You Stay

I Smoke Ten To Fifteen Cigars A Day. At My Age I Have To Hold On To Something.

Don't Stay In Bed, Unless You Can Make Money In Bed.

Old Age Is When You Resent The Swimsuit Issue Of Sports Illustrated Because There Are Fewer Articles To Read.

I Don't Have A Drinking Problem. I Drink. I Get Drunk. I Fall Down, No Problem.

How Did I Ever Get Sick? I've Already Had Everything.