As A Comic, I Think I'm Very

The Chances Of Someone Who Looks Like Jesus Having Pot Raises Steadily, To A Point. If The Guy Is On A Cross You May Have The Wrong Guy.

I Like When People Wear A Wwjd Bracelet, Because It's Like An Example Of The First Thing Jesus Wouldn't Do, Probably.

If You Happen To Catch On Fire During The Show, Do Not Panic Or Wave Your Arms Around Or Scream Or We Wil Give Something To Panic And Wave You Arms Around And Scream About.

Usually My Favorite Joke Is Whichever Joke I Most Recently Came Up With That Surprised Me The First Time I Thought Of It.

I Bought A Cactus. A Week Later It Died. And I Got Depressed, Because I Thought, Damn. I Am Less Nurturing Than A Desert.