Anything You Can Suck At Should Make

Comedians Are The One Who Have To Tell The Emperor He Has No Clothes On.

You Don't Need A Critic To Tell You People Aren't Laughing.

My Goals Were Small. My Goal Was To Become A Big Enough Stand-up That I Wouldn't Have To Do Radio. I Could Sell Out A Club, Which Is Like 300 Seats. If I Got Big Enough, I Could Sell Before I Got There, And I Wouldn't Have To Get Up At 6 In The Morning To Do Radio. That Was Pretty Much The Dream. I Had No Idea I'd Be Playing Madison Square Garden Or Anything.

Dude, I Didn't Say Jude Law Can't Act. I Didn't Say Jude Law Was In Bad Movies. I Just Said He's In Every Movie.

The Only Reaction That Frightens Me Is People Not Laughing. It's Extraordinary To Me When You Get A Laugh. That You Can Go In Front Of A Bunch Of People You Never Met Before, You Can Say Some Stuff And They All Laugh In Unison - That's Amazing. It's A Miracle.