American Society Loves To Prop People Up

You Know You're Getting Fat When Your Socks Don't Fit.

We All Know How Funny Morrissey Is. Actually, You Know What? I Say That Sarcastically. His Songs Are Some Of The Funniest Songs I've Ever Heard In My Life. I Mean, Really. I Mean, Not That The "girlfriend In A Coma" Is, Like, Really Funny.

People Get Tv Deals By Doing Something In Their Grandmother's Basement. It Is Definitely The Wave. Everybody Is Trying To Do All That Stuff. I Mean, The Internet Is The Only Reason That I've Gotten Work Is Because I've Somehow Created A Line And People Have Seen It. And Then I've Been Asked To Auditions.

The Congressmen And Senators Used To Go Have A Drink In D.c. They Would Disagree All Day Long, But They Would Find That Time To Sit Down And Learn About Each Other Personally. I Think That's Totally Wiped Out; I Don't Think It Really Exists Anymore.

I'm An American So Its Kind Of Hard For Me To Talk About 9/11. So Whenever Someone Brings It Up In A Conversation, I Say "i Didn't Like 9/11."