All Publicity Is Good, Except An Obituary

When I'm Talking To People I Like To Stop And Quote Myself. My Quotes Have A Way Of Spicing Up Conversation.

I Ruined My Health Drinking To Other People's.

An Author's First Duty Is To Let Down His Country.

Critics Are Like Eunuchs; They Can Tell You What To Do, But They Can't Do It Themselves!

If It Was Raining Soup, The Irish Would Go Out With Forks.