A Priest In New York City Was

Do You Remember When You Found Out There Was No Santa Claus? I Was So Upset I Didn't Think I'd Be Able To Do The Show.

Everyone Has This Sense Of Togetherness Right Now. For Example, One Guy On The Subway Today, He Wanted To Share My Pants.

During The Debate, Palin Winked, Wrinkled Her Nose, And Gave A Shout-out To A Third-grade Class. Well, You Know, That Says Commander-in-chief To Me Right There. You Betcha!

Here's What The Kids Get. They Get Free Mcdonald's And Kentucky Fried Chicken For A Year, And 52 Six-packs Of Pepsi. And I'm Thinking, Well, Actually, It Might Be Healthier If They Were Taking Steroids.

I Got A Call From My Mom Today, She Says, 'well, David, I See You Didn't Get The 'tonight Show' Again.'