A Fart Is Just Your Arse Applauding.

What Always Staggers Me Is That When People Blow Their Noses, They Always Look Into Their Hankies To See What Came Out. What Do They Expect To Find?

Scotland Has The Only Football Team In The World That Does A Lap Of Disgrace.

Never Trust People Who've Only Got One Book.

Why Do They Call It An Asteroid When It's Outside The Hemisphere, But Call It A Haemorrhoid When It's On The Outside Of Your Ass?

I’ve Come In And Out Of America For… Well, I’ve Lived Here For 15 Years. And I’ve Played Here For Nearly 30 Years. On And Off. But I’ve Always Played To My Fan Base. And I Can Come And Do Two Or Three Nights In New York Or Two Or Three Nights In L.a., And All That. But When I Go Away, Nobody Knows I’ve Been Gone. You Know, I Don’t Get Reviewed Or Anything Like That. So That’s Why I’ve Come Back And Done A Longer Time In A Smaller Place, In New York. It’s Always The People Who Live Here That Get A Chance To Know Me.