A Child Needs Your Love Most When

The Ultimate In Longevity Is The Christmas Fruitcake. It Is A Cake Made During The Holidays With Fruits That Make It Heavier Than The Stove It Is Cooked In.

Some Say Our National Pastime Is Baseball. Not Me. It's Gossip.

The Only Reason I Would Take Up Jogging Is So That I Could Hear Heavy Breathing Again.

Getting Out Of The Hospital Is A Lot Like Resigning From A Book Club. You're Not Out Of It Until The Computer Says You're Out Of It.

Don't Confuse Fame With Success. Madonna Is One; Helen Keller Is The Other.