You've Got To Experience Failure To Understand

Sometimes You Want To Have A Very Productive Saturday To Feel That You Are In Control Of Your Life, Which Of Course You Are Not.

If You Ever Start To Feel Good About Yourself... .... They Have This Thing Called The Internet.

One Afternoon A Girl Walked By In A Bikini And My Cousin Janet Scoffed, “look At The Hips On Her.” I Panicked. What About The Hips? Were They Too Big? Too Small? What Were My Hips? I Didn’t Know Hips Could Be A Problem. I Thought There Was Just Fat Or Skinny. This Was How I Found Out That There Are An Infinite Number Of Things That Can Be “incorrect” On A Woman’s Body.

Researches Reported That They Developed A Self-healing Plastic That Repairs Itself If Cracked. The Plastic Will Change The Way Airplanes Are Built And Medicine Is Practiced. In A Related Story, Joan Rivers Will Never Die.

The Only Way I Could Get Comfortable Around People Was To Make Them Laugh.