You'll Fold Faster Than Superman On Laundry

I Have A Friend Who's Collecting Unemployment Insurance. This Guy Has Never Worked So Hard In His Life As He Has To Keep This Thing Going. He's Down There Every Week, Waiting On The Lines And Getting Interviewed And Making Up All These Lies About Looking For Jobs. If They Had Any Idea Of The Effort And Energy That He Is Expending To Avoid Work, I'm Sure They'd Give Him A Raise.

When You Interrupt, You've Stopped Listening. People Need To Be Heard.

I Can't Eat Chicken And Look At Strippers At The Same Time.

Airline Hostesses Show You How To Use A Seatbelt In Case You Haven't Been In A Car Since 1965.

Why Would You Want To Work For A Living If You Could Just Joke Around? Being A Celebrity Expands Your Commercial Possibilities.