You'll Fold Faster Than Superman On Laundry

One Day I Was Watching These Construction Workers Go Back To Work. I Was Watching Them Kind Of Trudging Down The Street. It Was Like A Revelation To Me. I Realized These Guys Don’t Want To Go Back To Work After Lunch. But They’re Going. That’s Their Job. If They Can Exhibit That Level Of Dedication For That Job I Should Be Able To Do The Same. Trudge Your Ass In.

We Want To Do A Lot Of Stuff; We're Not In Great Shape, We Didn't Get A Good Night's Sleep, We're A Little Depressed. Coffee Solves All These Problems In One Delightful Little Cup.

You Know, Crankiness Is At The Essence Of All Comedy.

You Know How Your Charger For Your Phone? It's Like If You Had A Charger For Your Whole Body And Mind

When I Jumped Off A Roof In Cannes In A Bee Costume, I Looked Ridiculous. But This Is My Business; I Have To Humiliate Myself.