You Think Jesus Ever Tried To Talk

I Don't Think Comedians Make An Active Decision To Be A Certain "persona." Comedians Write The Way They're Going To Write.

Actually, The Reason I Look Like This Is Because My Father Was From Sweden And My Mother Was Elton John.

Without Valentine's Day, February Would Be... Well, January.

My Wife's Gotten Really Lazy, Or As She Calls It, 'pregnant.'

Life Is A Little Easier For Attractive People. Think About It: If A Stranger Smiles At You And They’re Attractive, You Think, ‘oh, They’re Nice,’ But If A Stranger’s Ugly, You’re Like, ‘what Do They Want? Get Away From Me, Weirdo.