You Say Tomato, I Say Bourbon And

The Hardest Diet I Was Ever On Was The One When I Was Fat. You Can Only Wear Fat Clothes, You Don't Feel Good, Your Sex Life Gets Damaged, You Don't Have Energy For Anything. It's Horrible.

People Laugh To Forget Their Troubles, And To Forget Their Troubles They Like To Look At People Who Aren't Doing Better Than They Are.

The Difference Between Las Vegas And Atlantic City Is The Difference Between Getting Conned By A Beautiful Call Girl And Getting Mugged By A Crack Head.

In Any Other Job, They're Truck Drivers. In Show-biz, They're Transportation Captains.

When I Did Comic Relief, I Did It To Be On The Show; It's A Badge Of Honor As A Comedian To Do That Show.