You Only Think Of The Best Comeback

Hillary Clinton Made A Campaign Stop In Las Vegas Yesterday. She Said She Wants Citizenship For Undocumented Immigrants. But After Seeing Americans Celebrate Cinco De Mayo Yesterday, Immigrants Said, 'you Know What, We're Good. We're Gonna Head Back Now. We Had Enough.'

I Got Every Dan Shaughnessy Book Known To Man.

I'm So Excited. Jay Leno Is On The Show Tonight. He Brought Some Really Funny Jokes And Some Great Stories. Although I'm A Little Concerned He Also Brought His Old Desk And Kevin Eubanks. I Just Want Jay To Be Comfortable, But Not Too Comfortable.

We Have A Really, Really Great Dog. It Doesn't Bark. My Dog Almost Smiles, Which Is Weird. He's Just A Very Happy Dog.

A Tell-all Book By David Axelrod, One Of President Obama's Former Strategists, Reveals That Obama Chose Joe Biden As His Vp Because Of His Energy And Enthusiasm. You Know, The Qualities You Look For In Someone Whose Main Job Is Traveling To State Funerals.