You Only Think Of The Best Comeback

When I Was A Kid, You Would Tune In To "the Tonight Show" Before You Went To Sleep. Johnny Carson. A Big Treat. I Know It's A Privilege Of Mine To Be Able To Be In People's Homes. So I Hope I Make Everyone Proud, Including My Parents, And Do A Good Job In This.

Listening Is More Important Than Talking.

Don't Keep Reaching For The Stars Because You'll Just Look Like An Idiot Stretching That Way For No Reason.

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo Just Signed A Bill That Bans Powdered Alcohol From The State. So If You Live In New York And You're Consuming Powdered Alcohol, Your Life Just Somehow Got Even Worse.

Yesterday President Obama Traveled To Jamaica, Where He Will Meet With Students And Caribbean Leaders. Jamaica's Such A Beautiful Place, Obama Says He Can't Wait To Just Take It All In, Hold It For Several Seconds, And Then Exhale.