You Know What Ged Stands For? Good

I Say Everything's About Company. A Gourmet Meal With An Asshole Is A Horrible Meal. A Hot Dog With An Interesting Person Is An Amazing Meal.

If You're The President You Only Have Two Jobs: Peace And Money.

Nobody's Good. I Hate It. I Truly Hate It. I Mean, There's A Lot Of Guys Doing Stuff I Admire, But Stand-up-wise I Feel Very Alone. I Really Miss Bill Hicks. I Wish I Could Have Put Him On My Show. And I Really Miss Sam Kinison A Lot. Richard Pryor's Sick... It's Like You Get Here And Then, Oh Wait A Minute, There's Nobody Here Any More. I Feel Like The Guy Who Finally Got Into Studio 54, Three Years Too Late, Duh, Where Are All The Famous People?

Though Part Of Me Had Always Wanted To Be A Comedian, Another Part Of Me Had Always Wanted To Be Bryant Gumbel Or Dan Rather.

You Can Never Make A Woman Happy, It's Impossible. I've Never Met A Happy Woman In My Life. They're Always Complaining About Something.