You Don't Really See Ugly People That

I Must Be An Anorexic Because An Anorexic Looks In The Mirror And Sees A Fat Person.

When I Got Married, The Sun Ran The Headline: "here Comes The Bride, All Fat And Wide." Luckily, It Was A Few Days After The Wedding - But It Was Still Hideous To Read At A Great Romantic Moment.

I Often Tell Audiences At The Start Of My Shows That I'm Not Gay Because I've Got Petitions From Lesbian Groups Saying 'can You Tell People You're Heterosexual Because You're Giving Us A Bad Name.'

Anybody Who Has Had The Pleasure Of Reading An Article About Themselves In The Press, Knows That On The Whole, There Is A Huge Amount Of Inaccuracy, Value Judgment And The Use Of A Crowbar To Insert Editorial Bias That Reflects The Current Political Leaning Of That Particular Paper.

The Thing I Thought About Doing It Was It's Comic Relief And You've Got To Be Funny. So Although I Did Try To Sing Properly It Obviously Has Hilarious Results When You Can't Sing.