You Can't Please Everyone, Nor Should You

Nothing Can Make Me Feel Better Now, Except Cocaine.

So Here Are Some Foolproof Recipes For Those Of You Who Understand The True Function Of Food. Bean Treat: Gingerly Pour Four Fluid Oz Of Beans Or Something Into A Jug. Cry. Eat The Beans From The Jug And Pour The Rest From The Can Down Your Throat. N.b. These Taste Better If They Belong To Somebody Else In Your House. Pain Au Dunk: Fists Of Bread, Rent From The Loaf And Dunked Into Anything Runnier Than Bread. Should Eat At Least Six Of These Because…you Should. Don’t Toast The Bread. Toast Is Cookery.

I've Been Writing Since I Was Very Young, Even Before I Was A Teenager. As Far As I'm Concerned, I Am A Writer - Whether My Writing's Spoken Or Written In A Blog, Paper, Book Or Printed On The Side Of A Submarine.

I'm Quite A Compulsive Person-i Only Worked This Out Recently - I'm Compulsive, But I'm Also Very Indecisive. I Don't Know What I Want, But I Know That I Want It Now.

Look At His Face. I Bet His Cornflakes Try To Crawl Out Of The Bowl.