You Can't Get Saved If You Don't

When It Comes To Religion, We're Not Two Sides Of The Same Coin, And You Don't Get To Put Your Unreason Up On The Same Shelf With My Reason. Your Stuff Has To Go Over There, On The Shelf With Zeus And Thor And The Kraken, With The Stuff That Is Not Evidence-based, Stuff That Religious People Never Change Their Mind About, No Matter What Happens.

Faith Means Making A Virtue Out Of Not Thinking. It's Nothing To Brag About.

This Ted Cruz Guy, I Mean, He Incurred The Wrath, Really, Of His Own Party. They Don't Like Him. Democrats Hate Him. Independents Hate Him. Republicans Hate Him. Even Miley Cyrus, He's The One Guy She Refuses To Lick.

Gordon Gekko Was Right: Greed Is Good. Because, The Potty-trained Republicans Have Now Stepped Forward - Like The Koch Brothers - To Say, 'you Know What? You Yokels Stop Talking About Defaulting On The Debt, Because I'm Going To Lose A Fortune!'

One Of The Reasons I Still Do Stand-up Is Because It Was So Hard In The Beginning That I Feel Like It Would Be Such A Shame Not To Redeem It That It's All Fun.