You Can't Cure Your Own Cancer, Obviously,

Fame Is Empowering. My Mistake Was That I Thought I Would Instinctively Know How To Handle It. But There's No Manual, No Training Course.

I've Always Been A Little Skittish About Death. On Certain Days I'm Okay With It. On Other Days It's Like, "really? I Have To? No, Man, Not Me."

I’m Not Thomas Jefferson. He Was A Pussy.

You Can Have Rules At Home That Are Different From The Rest Of The World's As Long As You're Not Hurting Anyone.

I Am On A Drug. It's Called Charlie Sheen. It's Not Available. If You Try It Once, You Will Die. Your Face Will Melt Off And Your Children Will Weep Over Your Exploded Body.