Why Do They Collect Garbarge At 5am?

I Masturbate! I Do It Like I Think If I Keep Doing It, I'm Gonna Win Something.

I Keep Getting These People At My Shows Who Only Know Me From Television. I Can Always Tell When They're, Like, Emotionally Flinching When I Start Doing My Jokes.

Why Do They Collect Garbarge At 5am? Why? It's Garbage. It's Not Going To Go Bad Again.

I Like Doing Stand-up And I Love Putting Out Tv Specials. I'm Not An Actor Though, So I Don't Really Have Much Choice In The Matter.

Sometimes It's Hard To Tell If A Joke Is Working Or Not For The First Couple Of Minutes.