Why Buy A Book When You Can

To Complain About Critics In A Business Is Like A Sailor Complaining About The Waves. Go Back To The Beach If You Don't Like It.

Next Time Someone Tells Me They Believe In God, I'll Say 'oh Which One? Zeus? Hades? Jupiter? Mars? Odin? Thor? Krishna? Vishnu? Ra?...' If They Say 'just God. I Only Believe In The One God,' I'll Point Out That They Are Nearly As Atheistic As Me. I Don't Believe In 2,870 Gods, And They Don't Believe In 2,869.

I Think The Best Advice I'd Say To Any Actor When You Do Comedy Is Play It Straight.

I Fought A Bear Once. But It Started Crying, So I Let It Off.

You Won't Burn In Hell. But Be Nice Anyway.