When You Doubt, Abstain.

Man, N. An Animal So Lost In Rapturous Contemplation Of What He Thinks He Is As To Overlook What He Indubitably Ought To Be. His Chief Occupation Is Extermination Of Other Animals And His Own Species, Which, However, Multiplies With Such Insistent Rapidity As To Infest The Whole Habitable Earth And Canada.

Tedium, N. Ennui, The State Or Condition Of One That Is Bored. Many Fanciful Derivations Of The Word Have Been Affirmed, But So High An Authority As Father Jape Says That It Comes From A Very Obvious Source --the First Words Of The Ancient Latin Hymn _te Deum Laudamus_. In This Apparently Natural Derivation There Is Something That Saddens.

Rice-water, N. A Mystic Beverage Secretly Used By Our Most Popular Novelists And Poets To Regulate The Imagination And Narcotize The Conscience.

Oblivion, N. The State Or Condition In Which The Wicked Cease From Struggling And The Dreary Are At Rest. Fame's Eternal Dumping Ground.

Fidelity - A Virtue Peculiar To Those Who Are About To Be Betrayed.