When I Was Your Age, Television Was

Chapter One. The Bride." He Held Up The Book Then. "i'm Reading It To You For Relax." He Practically Shoved The Book In My Face. "by S. Morgenstern. Great Florinese Writer. The Princess Bride. He Too Came To America. S. Morgenstern. Dead Now In New York. The English Is His Own. He Spoke Eight Tongues." Here My Father Put Down The Book And Held Up All His Fingers. "eight. Once In Florin City...

Since The Invention Of The Kiss, There Have Only Been Five Kisses That Were Rated The Most Passionate, The Most Pure. This One Left Them All Behind.

When I Left You, You Were Already More Beautiful Than Anything I Dared To Dream. In Our Years Apart, My Imaginings Did Their Best To Improve On Your Perfection. At Night, Your Face Was Forever Behind My Eyes. And Now I See That That Vision Who Kept Me Company In My Loneliness Was A Hag Compared To The Beauty Now Before Me.

There Have Been Five Great Kisses Since 1642 B.c. When Saul And Delilah Korn's Inadvertent Discovery Swept Across Western Civilization. (before Then Couples Hooked Thumbs.) And The Precise Rating Of Kisses Is A Terribly Difficult Thing, Often Leading To Great Controversy, Because Although Everyone Agrees With The Formula Of Affection Times Purity Times Intensity Times Duration, No One Has Ever Been Completely Satisfied With How Much Weight Each Element Should Receive. But On Any System, There Are Five That Everyone Agrees Deserve Full Marks. Well, This One Left Them All Behind.

People Don't Remember Me. Really. It's Not A Paranoid Thing; I Just Have This Habit Of Slipping Through Memories. It Doesn't Bother Me All That Much, Except I Guess That's A Lie; It Does. For Some Reason, I Test Very High On Forgettability.