When I Was Young, Boys Didn't Type.

When I Saw A Phone On A Plane For The First Time, I Panicked ... I Thought People Were Going To Call Me.

I Drank My Lifetime Supply Of Alcohol And I Took My Lifetime Supply Of Drugs Between The Ages Of 15 And 19.

In Real Life, I Assure You, There Is No Such Thing As Algebra.

All The Time I'm Not Writing I Feel Like A Criminal. It's Horrible To Feel Felonious Every Second Of The Day. It's Much More Relaxing To Actually Write.

I Wish That Real Estate Were Cheaper And Clothes Were More Expensive.