What We Have Here, Fellow Citizens, Is

Having Breast Cancer Is Massive Amounts Of No Fun. First They Mutilate You; Then They Poison You; Then They Burn You. I Have Been On Blind Dates Better Than That.

Satire Is Traditionally The Weapon Of The Powerless Against The Powerful. I Only Aim At The Powerful. When Satire Is Aimed At The Powerless, It Is Not Only Cruel -- It's Vulgar.

The Founders Were Right All Along, But The Results Are A Lot Funnier Than They Intended.

During A Recent Panel On The Numerous Failures Of American Journalism, I Proposed That Almost All Stories About Government Should Begin: “look Out! They're About To Smack You Around Again!

What Stuns Me Most About Contemporary Politics Is Not Even That The System Has Been So Badly Corrupted By Money. It Is That So Few People Get The Connection Between Their Lives And What The Bozos Do In Washington And Our State Capitols.