We're Mexican Not Mexican't!

I'm Not Afraid To Take On Somebody Or Say Something That Somebody Will Find Offensive Because Unfortunately In Comedy, You Can't Say Anything Really Good Without Offending Somebody.

I'd Shake His Hand, But I Think That's What's Holding Up His Pants.

Angie, I've Seen My Mom Wrestle Two Cops To The Ground With A Taser Dart In Her Neck, And You Cry When Your Shoes Pinch. Good Luck, Bambi!

[there's] A Joke That I've Done Forever: 'nowadays They Say That The Largest Majority Of People Will Be Latino And You'll Tell Scary Stories To Your Grandkids: "a Long Time Ago When I Was Growing Up, There Used To Be People Who Were White," And The Kid Says, "really?" And You Say, "yeah, Like The Man Who Cuts Our Grass."' I've Had That Line Forever And I Love It.

Tied One On Last Night. Not Feeling Great This Morning. I Was Trying To Sleep It Off, Unfortunately, It Was On The Casino Floor.