Well... You Know, I Would Wake Up

I Always Wanted To Write As Much As Perform.

I Don't Know Any Comedian Who Tailors His Act To His Audience. Maybe People Say They Do, But I Can't Even Imagine Them.

I Would Say Most Comedians Have A Very Cynical Worldview Of The Way The World Can Work. It's Almost Like If You Didn't, You Couldn't Be A Comedian.

The Earth Is A Used Kleenex On The Universe's Nightstand.

I'm Just Another Guy Who Thinks He's Smarter Than He Is, In A Long Line Of Them.