We Think Of Bulimia And Anorexia As

I Don't Think People Realize, When They're Just Getting Started On An Eating Disorder Or Even When They're In The Grip Of One, That It Is Not Something That You Just "get Over." For The Vast Majority Of Eating-disordered People, It Is Something That Will Haunt You For The Rest Of Your Life. You May Change Your Behavior, Change Your Beliefs About Yourself And Your Body, Give Up That Particular Way Of Coping In The World. You May Learn, As I Have, That You Would Rather Be A Human Than A Human's Thin Shell. You May Get Well. But You Never Forget.

Recovery Isn’t Easy, At First. It Takes Time. It Takes More Work, Sometimes, Than You Think You’re Willing To Do. But It Is Worth Every Hard Day, Every Tear, Every Terrified Moment. It’s Worth It, Because The Trade-off Is This: You Let Go Of Your Eating Disorder, And You Get Back Your Life.

Madness Strips You Of Memory And Leaves You Scrabbling Around On The Floor Of Your Brain For The Snatches And Snippets Of What Happened, What Was Said, And When.

People With Eating Disorders Tend To Be Very Diametrical Thinkers – Everything Is The End Of The World, Everything Rides On This One Thing, And Everyone Tells You You're Very Dramatic, Very Intense, And They See It As An Affectation, But It´s Actually Just How You Think. It Really Seems To You That The Sky Will Fall If You Are Not Personally Holding It Up. On The One Hand, This Is Sheer Arrogance; On The Other Hand, This Is A Very Real Fear. And It Isn't That You Ignore The Potential Repercussions Of Your Actions. You Don't Think There Are Any. Because You Are Not Even There.

I Grew Into It. It Grew Into Me. It And I Blurred At The Edges, Became One Amorphous, Seeping, Crawling Thing.