We Don't Do Sensible Things. This Is

I Always Wanted To Be A Comedian, Even When I Was A Little Kid. I Had A Funny Father Who Was In The News Business, By The Way. He Was A Radio News Guy. So The News Was Always In My House, And Funny Was Always In My House. It Was Sort Of Just Baked Into The Dna That I Would Do This For A Living, But I Can Remember Being Less Than 10 Years Old And Dreaming About Being A Comedian.

We Don't Like Mystery. You Like Mystery, 'cause It's Not A Mystery To You; You Know When You're Gonna Get Laid.

I Believe In God, I Just Give Him More Credit Than Being A Single Parent And An Author.

The American People Don't Really Care What Side Of An Issue You're On. They Just Don't Want You To Act Like A Pussy.

Beating Newt Gingrich In A Popularity Contest Is Like Beating Stephen Hawking In 'dancing With The Stars.'