We Are Only As Good As Our

They Say It's Not The Snoring Itself But Those Anxiety-packed Moments In Between Snorts. It's The Waiting For The Nasal Passages Of The Person Lying Beside You To Strike Again. And Strike It Always Does. In The Dark, Almost Against Your Will, You Produce That Special Glare Reserved For People Who Cannot Control Their Own Behaviour.

Kids Across The Country Have Grown Up Accepting The Idea That No One Can Harm Your Family If At Least One Of Its Adult Members Is In The Shower. No One Knows Why.

When I Was 14, A Camp Counselor Explained What "eating Out" Was And I Vowed To Never Have It Done To Me. It Seemed Cannibalistic And Unhygienic. I Also Remember That She Claimed--in Front Of An Entire Cabin Of Girls--to Have Been "eaten Out" By One Of The Maintenance Men In A Hot Tub. Under Hot Water. Either Something Is Amiss In My Memory Of This Conversation Or She Found The Most Talented Man On The Planet And All Hope Is Lost For The Rest Of Us.

I Wanted To Be An Archaeologist. But In School You Have To Take A Tremendous Amount Of Statistics For That, And I Am Not Good At Statistics. So I Hit A Real Wall With Archaeology. It's Probably Like Wanting To Be An Architect - You Think It's All Fun And Games, And Then You Have To Get Out A Calculator And You're Done.

I Wouldn't Want To Live In Berlin. It's Bombed Out And There's A Lot Of Techno.