Usually, Terrible Things That Are Done With

I Am Sitting Here 93 Million Miles From The Sun On A Rounded Rock Which Is Spinning At The Rate Of 1000 Miles An Hour... And My Head Pointing Down Into Space With Nothing Between Me And Infinity But Something Called Gravity Which I Can't Even Understand, And Which You Can't Even Buy Any Place So As To Have Some Stored Away For A Gravityless Day.

Inanimate Objects Can Be Classified Scientifically Into Three Major Categories: Those That Don't Work, Those That Break Down And Those That Get Lost. The Goal Of All Inanimate Objects Is To Resist Man And Ultimately To Defeat Him, And The Three Major Classifications Are Based On The Method Each Object Uses To Achieve Its Purpose. As A General Rule, Any Object Capable Of Breaking Down At The Moment When It Is Most Needed Will Do So.

Windows 95 Is What Rube Goldberg Would Have Designed If He'd Studied Cartooning At M.i.t.

It Is Fitting That Yesteryear's Swashbuckling Newspaper Reporter Has Turned Into Today's Solemn Young Sobersides Nursing A Glass Of Watered White Wine After A Day Of Toiling Over Computer Databases In A Smoke-free, Noise-free Newsroom.

Newspaper People, Once Celebrated As Founts Of Ribald Humor And Uncouth Fun, Have Of Late Lost All Their Gaiety, And Small Wonder.