Trying To Be Happy By Accumulating Possessions

I'm Offering A Special Prize For The First Buick On The Moon.

The Golden Gate Bridge Should Have A Long Bungee Cord For People Who Aren't Quite Ready To Commit Suicide But Want To Get In A Little Practice.

Never Get On An Airplane If The Pilot Is Wearing A Hat That Has More Than Three Pastel Colors.

I Think Tobacco And Alcohol Warnings Are Too General. They Should Be More To The Point: 'people Who Smoke Will Eventually Cough Up Small Pieces Of Lung.'... And 'warning!! Alcohol Will Turn You Into The Same Jerk Your Father Was.'

Don't Give Your Money To The Church. They Should Be Giving Their Money To You.