Tomorrow's Just Your Future Yesterday.

There Is A New Bill In The Senate That Is Upsetting A Lot Of People. This Bill Would Give The President The Power To Shut Off The Internet. Al Gore Is Strongly Opposed To It. Not Because He Invented The Internet. Because He Did. But Because He Just Signed Up For Match.com.

Sometimes People Think You’re Smart If You Question The Status Quo, If Nothing Else.

Donald Trump Showed His Birth Certificate To Reporters. Who Cares About His Birth Certificate? I Want To Know If That Thing On His Head Has Had Its Vaccinations.

Whether I Or Anyone Else Accepted The Concept Of Alcoholism As A Disease Didn't Matter; What Mattered Was That When Treated As A Disease, Those Who Suffered From It Were Most Likely To Recover.

I Think Comedy Comes More From A Low Sense Of Self-esteem, And I Certainly Have That.