To Me, Comedy Is A Game.

I Wish I Lived Next To Carnegie Hall. Then, If Someone Asked Me How To Get To My House, I Would Just Say 'practice, Practice, Practice, And Then Take A Left.'

At Any Minute, I Am Four Minutes From A Poncho.

Drunken Behavior Will Not Be Tolerated, Except By Those Who Are Being Hilarious.

If You Want To Make A Mythical Creature, Just Take A Regular Animal And Add Wings To It. A Horse Becomes A Pegasus, A Lion Becomes A Griffin, And A Hawk... Becomes A Double Hawk.

I Like To Stand Near Atm Machines, And When Somebody Types In Their Pin Number, I Go, 'got It!' And Then I Run Away.