This Warning From The New York City

And Tar Is Washing Up Onto The Beaches - Big Globs Of Tar. And People Are Saying, 'is That Going To Ruin Our Summer At The Beach?' No, Of Course Not. You Take The Big Blobs Of Tar And You Use Them To Hold Down Your Blanket.

When Martha Gets Out She'll Be Under House Arrest In Her Big $40 Million Mansion In Bedford. Boy, That'll Teach Her. She's Only Allowed Out Of The House For Doctors Visits, Grocery Shopping, Or To Dump More Stock.

I Knew That If I Woke Up Hung Over, I Couldn't Do The Best Possible Job On The Show, So I Had To Quit. Also, I'd Consumed A Lot Of Beer For A Lot Of Years, And I Thought, That's Enough. I've Had My Fun And I'm Glad I Quit.

President Obama Is Sending Troops Back To Iraq. He Said, 'don't Worry, We Should Not Be There Any Longer Than A Kardashian Marriage.'

Have You Seen The Olympic Uniforms? It's For The American Olympic Team And It's Berets. To Me, Nothing Says America Like A Guy In A Beret. Look At Our Founding Fathers, They All Wore Berets.