There's No Such Thing As A Cheap

Stand-up Is Probably The Most Solo Performance In Art.

For Years, Blockbuster Video Has Edited Movies. Like The Bad Lieutenant, When He's Masturbating While The Girls In The Car Are Doing The Thing. I Rented It From Blockbuster And Sped To That Scene, And It Was Gone. I Called Up Blockbuster, And I'm Like, "i Got An Erection, And The Scene's Not There."

I Don't Have A Room Full Of Writers Pitching Ideas. It's Just Me Out Of My Head.

All These Words We Use, Anybody Can Be A Genius Now. It Used To Be You Had To Have A Thought No One Ever Had Before Or You Had To Invent A Number. Now, It’s Like, “hey, I’ve Got A Cup In Case We Need Another Cup.” “dude, You’re A Genius!”

I Just Always Loved Comedy And I Really Wanted To Be Good At It. And It Was Heartbreaking, 'cause I Started And I Wasn't Good At It. I Was Only 17-years-old, So I Had A Lot To Learn About Life In General. But I Just Kept On Trying. I Was Young Enough And Stupid Enough And I Had No Other Choice. I Had Nothing Else I Was Good At.