There's Always Time To Do Things That

I'm A - I'm A, Um, A Godmother Which Is Just, That's Fun To Be A Godmother, She Is So Precious, She's The Light Of My Life, She's Two... Or Five Or Something, And She's, Uh... I Don't Know, I've Never Seen Her - The Pictures Are Precious, She Just Seems So, Y'know... She Lives Clear Across Town, I Don't Have That Kind Of Time, But, Um... Well, I Send Money And Stuff, It's Not Like I Don't Have A Connection...

If We Lose Our Phones, We Lose Our Phone Books. You Don't Memorize Numbers Anymore.

No Matter How Popular You Are As A Stand-up - You Can Go Out And Fill A 10,000-seat Arena And Be Smart And Funny - It's Delicate To Host An Awards Show And Know Where Your Place Is And Know That It's Not About You, That It's About The People Who Are Nominated, And Respect That, But At The Same Time Have Your Moment To Show Them Who You Are.

Have You Seen The Deer Heads On The Walls Of Bars, The Ones Wearing Party Hats, Sunglasses And Streamers? I Feel Sorry For Them Because Obviously They Were At A Party Having A Good Time.

I Believe One Day A 'ban On Gay Marriage' Will Sound Totally Ridiculous. In The Meantime, I Will Continue To Speak Out For Equality For All Of Us.