There Are Certain Bits In My Act

If You Aim To Be Big, You Will Be Big. And That's Not A Pun About My Size.

As A Comedian, Especially One That Works As Much As I Do, There Is A Lot Of Sacrifice. People Don't See That I'm Away From My Family 46 Weeks Out Of The Year. I Miss All The Birthdays And Anniversaries And Holidays.

If I'm Drinking I Can Either Be The Nicest Guy Ever Or I'm The Guy You Should Leave Alone.

I Don't Want To Die Tomorrow Knowing I Could've Had A Piece Of Cake Tonight.

I Just Know You Can Not Be On Top Forever. There's Always Going To Be The Next Guy, And If I'm Going To Go Down, I'd Like To Know I Helped The Next Guy Take My Spot. You Can't Prevent The Inevitable, But You Can Join The Ship.